You can call me anything you like so as long as it's not rude. If you're stuck for names, you can call me Helen but most of my life I've been called "Fey Mui" which translates to "little fat girl" in Cantonese.
I've reached a point in my life where everything is changing; people are leaving, growing up, moving out, looking better, looking worse, getting jobs and breaking up. For me I feel like I've been standing still for so long and I really do feel like its my time to shine.
I want to begin this journey by giving you a brief summary of my diet history as well as my lifestyle. Without knowing this, the rest of what is going to happen will probably confuse you.
It all started between the age of 6-9 (my memory fails me on a regular basis) and I flew back to Hong Kong to visit my family and stayed for a good few months. I went to Hong Kong a bright, healthy, skinny young child and arrived back in Blighty twice the size. As a very young child I loved food and looking back, had it not been for that holiday I might have had a chance at being one of those adults who were skinny but ate loads, or at least understood moderation. I remember arriving back in the airport and my whole family looking shocked. At the time I took it lightly and didn't think much of it; now I realise how much weight I must have put on to be able to get that kind of reaction.
You see I started off a normal child. I wore pretty dresses, I had a pretty face and for the most part they both still apply. Except my life carried on and a series of weight loss and gain commenced forth. You MAY notice this below.
The picture above is of my high school friends and I. I was 16 years old and I believe heading around 11 stone. I wasn't the fattest kid around but that's not saying much giving that most kids ate junk and most of us were unhealthy and overweight. I was at a loss around this time of my life. Food was my comfort.
It got really out of hand during college where lunch times consisted of cakes, sandwiches and large bottles of sugary drinks. I didn't do
This is me at my heaviest in Japan. The sad thing about this picture is that I'm happy on the outside but I was mortified that there was barely enough room for anyone else to sit on the seat with me.
By the end of the Japan trip, I had well and truly eaten like a King and looked like a hippo. I felt like rubbish and I looked like rubbish too.
What you see above is probably half a year later where I was at my skinniest. I will talk about Sureslim in a later post but I launched myself into a gruelling and soul destroying diet and I lost weight rapidly. I may have looked better but I was unhappy, always hungry and forever falling asleep.
It wasn't too long when I gave up Sureslim that I went to Austria to go skiing. I remember looking at this picture horrified because I could tell I was putting on weight. It might not look a lot here but I could tell worse was to come. I knew this because I felt completely out of control all over again and I didn't have the courage to stop. So the weight gain began.
A particularly disgusting picture of myself consuming processed sugary goods at Thorpe Park. At this point I didn't care. I loved my then boyfriend and it didn't matter. What was I doing to my body?
A much sadder person here in Greenwich Park where I began to overwhelm every single picture taken again. I still had a pretty face but the rest was just frightening. I saw these pictures and my heart sank.
I found an inner confidence somehow but I was still very disturbed deep inside. This picture was probably taken over a year ago now and I was about a size 12 here.
Surprise, surprise, I'm back here again. Weighing at 12 stone and 9lbs (that's 180.6lbs) to some of you. I'm heading towards unhappiness again and I cannot really fit into my size 12 clothes. I'm definitely a 14 going on 16 again and I refuse to go back.
I've done this over and over again and in time I've acquired so much knowledge on the subject. However, as I have understood, it does not matter how much you know, it's about how willing you are and how much you want it. I can tell you EXACTLY what I should be doing but I never do it. Why?
I can put it down to being incredibly lazy; it's hard to begin because the emotional journey that goes along with it is gruelling and my past experiences were not happy ones. My relationship with food has always been an unhealthy one where by I can classify myself as a food snob but sometimes a good saveloy and chips really hits the spot. In other words, there isn't much I do not like. As well as this, my ability to know when enough to enough has disappeared so the portions I eat are getting bigger everyday. I know and understand a lot about healthy eating and I have some knowledge on exercise. I've done it before and I can do it again but will I?
So what about my lifestyle? I'm a student that doesn't 'booze' much at all and eats relatively healthily. I cook my own meals regularly but my downfall is my weakness against processed carbohydrates as well as fatty meals when dining out. My exercise routine can be classed as sedentary and I am also an emotional eater. One of the classic traits I also have is that I began a habit of eating when I'm bored and always clearing my plate even if I'm stuffed. Grazing cannot be used to describe my snacking habit; it's more like 'get as much food in me as possible when I can'/ It's things like these I will shake off.
I've been on a healthy lifestyle change for a while now and my skin is thanking me as are my moods. However I'm struggling to shift the weight so I must kick into action The Slimming Strategy. The amusing thing about that statement is that I do not particularly have a strategy that will wow you. I plan to eat right, eat less, exercise more and love my body, mind and soul. The specifics of my
'diet' lifestyle change shall be revealed in the next blog post; I was just hoping to fill you in and give you a bit of inspiration to kick start your journey too.
This is a journey I hope you support me in and I promise, I will not fail you or myself.
Here's to a lifestyle change,
PS. I cannot guarantee a post every single day but I think I can manage most :)