Success....?

"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."

~ Sir Winston Churchill

Hello all,

It's been a whirlwind of madness since mid-Autumn and I'm feeling a bit whoozie from it all.  Lucky for me, school is finally out as I handed in my last essay last week and now I am just committed to working five days a week, helping out at my own shop and blogging.  Well, that's what I thought until I looked into the mirror and realised I still haven't dropped anymore weight!  So here I am, re-committing myself and trying to be as positive about it.

So what's been happening on the diet front?  It's been a bit of a shambles to say the least, as you may have noticed I tried to make a come back after Christmas having put on a couple of pounds and then failed.  I'm back here today, back to the original weight I was when I took my hiatus and I can't say I'm feeling completely confident.
What's happened is that I've given into a lot of my temptations, all besides meat as I'm still a vegetarian, but I'm finding fats and dairy in my gob constantly.  I'm always snacking due to the sheer boredom at work and when I eat, I eat quite a lot because I'm hungry.  I know I must be eating around 2000 calories or so having maintained weight (or sometimes gain) and it's got to stop....why am I consuming these extra 800 or so calories? 

I have to say, deep inside, I'm still the same snack-loving girl I once was.  I deal with boredom/anger/stress/pain/sadness with food and it never seems to stop.  For a while back, I used exercise to really help me but having a ten hour day at work really makes me exhausted.  I find myself sitting there thinking of ways to lose more weight and before I know it, I'm eating again!   I keep wondering and wondering and just know that time isn't going to wait for me to wonder anymore!

So I'm back on a very low calorie eating lifestyle and I will fit in exercise whenever I can as much as I can. This morning I realised that my skipping rope has just been sitting there for a long time so I'm going to really give that a go.  I really miss running and I just wish I could go, perhaps I will muster up the courage to go soon.  I keep feeling so stressed out about it, I wish this wasn't giving me such pain.  How was it so easy last time?  I need to find that motivation and willingness again. 

This is how I want and plan my life to be from now on:

-Wake up at 7am
Brush teeth, dress, apply cycling friendly make-up, drink water and fruit (for energy), pack protein shake and lunch
-Leave for work at 8.15am
-Get to work at 8.45am
-Leave work at 7.15pm
-Arrive home at 8.45pm
-Prepare dinner and lunch for the next day
-Jump rope for 20 minutes, rest and shower
-Cook and have dinner
-Sleep
-Wake up at 7am

Somehow on my days off I will try to incorporate some running or something.  But do you see how jam packed my life is and how difficult it is to maintain that everyday?  I want to be realistic and know that it's not possible to be perfect everyday but I feel like time is not allowing me anything less than perfection. 

We will see how I get on.  Also I would love to commit myself to blogging here as much as usual.  I know for a fact that blogging/vlogging really helps me focus and the moment I lose that, I lose my way.  I am asking for a lot of support at the moment and right now, I need to stand on my own two feet.

I shall report back how it is all going and with a new stats report this coming Monday.  I haven't failed because I haven't given up, I owe this to myself and my body, so here is to another big push for a better and slimmer Helen.

Much love xxx