Monday, 30 May 2011

If at first you don't succeed...

Oh dear...I think I'm starting to look more pregnant than my pregnant sister...

I don't know how many times I've fallen off the wagon but I sure as hell know that this probably isn't the last time I'll have to pick myself up again.  I have no idea where I've been apart from lost in hell.

I wish I knew all the secrets; if you're asking me about nutrition, tips and tricks on how to be healthier and lose weight, I'm probably a fairly decent source to turn towards.  If you're asking me about how to stay on track and keep focused then I really can't help you.  For some reason I just haven't managed to stick to something without losing it halfway through.  This probably explains why I keep coming back and forth but one thing stays constant and that is my want for a skinnier body.  The only difference is is sometimes that want is stronger than other times.

Since I started this job over half a year ago, my 'diet' has slowly come to a halt and I can point my fingers at myself for giving into snacks and eating things that other people are also enjoying.  Bad things.  I know that because I work such long days, I also feel like I 'deserve' more food so needless to say portion control has absolutely flown out the window. 

My veganism is here one day and gone the next.  I am by no means a meat eater anymore; from time to time an adult will force upon me their meat offerings and to be polite I might try it but otherwise I have no desire for it.  I am, however, consuming dairy from time to time but otherwise that isn't too bad.
And processed food?   Gosh, I just don't know.  I have to say that I eat a lot of vegetarian substitutes these days because it's just quicker (i.e. vegetarian sausages) and find other strange things slipping into my diet that just shouldn't be there (jelly juice, anyone?).

You might remember that I started this journey in August 2010.  In that time I have lost about half a stone or so and now I find myself very close to my original weight.  I just can't believe it.  I sit here and think about how hard I worked, how much I ran and how good I was and feel so gutted that I've totally crapped all over that.  Oh gosh, now I'm really mad.

There must be flaw in the system that I used last time and I'm guessing it's just that I'm not giving myself more time to prepare my food and that I am saying yes to any food offerings.  I've become really greedy again.  I really am unsure about counting calories again but I know I must start somewhere.

Tomorrow is Monday and the great thing about this week is that I have taken four days off work.  I see this time as opportunity to restructure my life and give myself a chance to blog, prepare and re-educate myself.  I'm re-reading books that once inspired me to try to find that spark that will push me in the right direction. 

I will be back tomorrow with a full weigh in - which reminds me to always weigh myself once a week.  It seems that if I don't weigh myself, I actually forget I have a weight problem. 

Good night!

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