Day 24 ~ Discipline, Knowledge and Running

"I make me successful" - Antishay

It's the third day of the 21 Day Challenge and I've fallen off already!  I went to bed late last night and before I knew it I woke up at 11.30am having slammed the snooze button off at 8am so hard I ended up switching the whole alarm off.  Great!  I will just make an effort to sleep earlier tonight. Either way I am going to because I've somehow managed to get my Sister to go running with me tomorrow in the park! 

Also, I went running today!  I drove to one of my favourite parks during mid-day despite my bladder infection still lingering in my ....bladder.  I walked one of the routes and that was approximately 1.18 miles and it was just enough to warm me up when I suddenly really needed to go toilet (damn you, bladder!).  Luckily my Brother lives across the road so I quickly went over and even had some fresh raspberries (YUM).

I did consider leaving it at that because my bladder was not happy but I just didn't want to go home yet.  I would have felt a failure and a total loser if I did so I went back and off I went.  I ran/jogged/power walked it and I would say I ran/jogged (exerted myself) for about half of it.  If I remember correctly I estimated I ran about 0.34miles last time and this time I would have managed 0.59miles! Not to mention the extra walking I did.  The best thing about it is that I got to enjoy  peace and quiet in a big, beautiful place and it really perked me up. 
Before my second run I was talking to my Sister on the phone about how the money situation at home is becoming worse.  We both cried on the phone and when I got off the phone it just pushed me even harder to run and all I did was look up in the sky and keep going.  Each time I stopped I made myself walk fast until I caught my breath and then I kept going.  I would say to myself "run up to that tree" and then I would and I would ask myself "can you keep going?" and I would until my heart hurt.  It felt incredible to get the tension out that way...it was exhilarating. 

Whilst I jogged through the park I began thinking to myself about our money problems at home.  Without going into too much detail, our family has problems with money and it's getting worse and worse.  The problem isn't our income but it's our outgoings.  There's certain family members who spend irrationally and irresponsibly and despite some of us scrimping, saving and worrying...others seem to be inconsiderate and irresponsible.  I thought about how tough it was on us and how all it takes is discipline.

I kept running and I soon came to realise that losing weight is just the same as getting your finances right or sorting something out in your life. Knowledge is power.  When I decided for sure that I wanted to change myself, I looked at everything that was wrong with me and why I did it.  I went to seek out information as to how I could sort it out and how I planned to maintain it.  Losing weight is just one thing in my life I'm changing and I've gone from a inactive girl with low self esteem, who shopped like mad and felt out of control, to someone who actually runs and can be proud of herself.  I now spend next to nothing and I feel a lot more secure within myself.  That is how problem solving works and it applies to everything.  I decided from the 21st of August 2010 that I was no longer going to be the person I loathed.  I also decided I no longer wanted to be in debt and I am pushing myself to save as much money as I can in my daily life.  When I finally get a full time job I will promise to save as much and build for the future.  Again, this applies to my weight loss.  Why am I doing this?  It's for the future and for my body, mind and soul.  I have to do this and I will succeed.  I make me successful.

My eating wasn't particularly great today because I'm still drinking a lot of sugary cranberry juice.  It's slowly ebbing away because of it but in turn I'm drinking a lot of empty calories and my sugar levels are constantly being spiked.  Anyway I did my exercise and I'm happy about that, there shouldn't be too much room for too much complaining especially when there has been effort.

My goal is to lose 2lbs this week.  I am hoping to get to 12 stones.  Tomorrow I will find a clothing item that doesn't fit me and I will show you.  I should have done this earlier but I forgot. 

All is well, losing weight a run at a time!

Helen

PS. As trivial as this may sound but I will tell you because it excites me.  I managed to leave the house with zero make up on today and yesterday.  I. Am. Unbelievable.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm, me. 

Day 23 ~ Sometimes the diet isn't a priority

I knew from when I went to bed I would be plagued with bladder infection all of today.  I hate it when it comes back from time to time but it basically immobilises me and causes great exhaustion and anxiety.  I didn't go to that internship after all and instead I stayed at home and nursed myself to better health.  Right now I'm feeling OK but I know it hasn't gone.  In order to clear bladder infection you can drink a lot of cranberry juice and that helps flush out the nasties in you but in doing this I ended up consuming a lot of sugar and calories. 

Luckily for me I didn't use much energy so I didn't need to eat a lot.  I was kind of bummed that I didn't do any exercise but I did manage a power walk ten minutes up the road to get the cranberry juice and back.  Tomorrow I plan to do better.

Another one of those 'nothing' days.  I'm getting slightly worried at how empty the fridge is and  how we will survive this week with such little amount of groceries left.  I think my huge organic shopping meant there was less to eat and this means next time I will have to go easy on the organic.  I am also considering going to Asda instead to see if it makes that much more of a difference.

So not much to report everyone but thank you for being here.

Helen

 

PS.  This blog has been cut short because if I don't sleep now, I will only have five hours to sleep before it's 8am!!! 21 CHALLENGE SHALL NOT BEAT ME!

Day 22 - Just when you think life is going splendidly...

It's Monday so it's weigh in day!  Let's have a look at today's stats...

Weight: 12st 2.4lbs            :D
Waist inches: 36inches     ¬_¬
Hip inches: 42inches         ^_^
Arm Width: 15inches       T_T
Thigh Width: 25inches     X_X
BMI:  32.2kg/m2

First of all I must give myself a big pat on the back for having lost 3.2lbs this week!  Wow :) I'm not at 12st 1 yet but that puts me to 170lbs and do you know what that means?  I'm at my first goal!  The first half a stone is usually quite easy for me and so I know now I've reached here, I have to go hard and really put myself in gear. 
I've somehow managed to gain half an inch to my waist as well as maintain on both my arms and thighs.  Well this is strange because I worked out twice last week!  Perhaps it's the 'muscle' but I'm more inclined to believe that I didn't work out enough and the weight is dropping from my face, hips and ...ears?  Who knows but I don't want to dwell on it too much because my BMI has lowered to 32.2!  How amazing!  My desired BMI rate is actually 24 which puts me at about 8stone and 8lbs (120lbs) so I still have another 50lbs to go.  WOW, when you put it like that!

Now that I think about it, in the last three weeks I've managed an average 2lbs a week and I hope that I can maintain that average.  That means if I continue at this rate I could reach to my goal BMI in 25 weeks.  That would translate to about 4 months and 1 week.  Considering slip up weeks and a few lapses that are inevitable, I want to give myself 6 months to really get there.  Can I do this by next March?  And what about my birthday?  May I lose at least 20lbs by December?  That would make me a lot skinnier and I would be so happy to be remotely normal weight on my birthday! 

Anyway what will be, will be.  I'm just happy that the last three weeks have been going well and I have successfully shed off almost half a stone.  Like my Sister said today, after all of the shakes, pills, diets, regimes and money wasted, it turns out all I needed was determination.

Today I overate.  Not because I was dying for lots of treats or that I lost control and just ate whatever came my way.  As you know I'm on the 21 day challenge that means I woke up at 8am.  I find that waking up so early means I had to manage my eating in a different way because I had more time to be hungry and think about food.  I ended up eating a lot of small meals and had one too many.  So I over ate by about 400 calories and I didn't manage to fit in any workout.  This worries me because...

I've just taken on an internship which means I'm awake at 6am, out the door by 8am, leave the office by 6pm and home at 8pm.  I'm fearing for my weight loss efforts and I fear for my sanity.  I don't know what I will do for food, I'm not even worrying about the actual job.  I've armed my bag with snackable fruit and vegetables but I know I will go mental for food because that happens when I'm feeling under stimulated.  Also, I have not dealt with my weight loss well in social situations so far and this makes me very nervous about the next few weeks.  I can't afford to slip up for a whole month so I'm racking my brains as to what I can do that will assure me that I will not lose control.  The worst thing is now I really don't have much time to work out.  As much as I wish I could, I really doubt I will come home at 8pm and go for a run.  Also, I really don't think I can wake up earlier than 6am!  Perhaps I will wake up at 6am and run for half an hour and that will give me an hour and a half to get ready?  *cries*  I really don't know.

So wish me luck for the up coming week, I can foresee a lot of storms ahead I just hope there will be a rainbow at the end of it all.

Helen

Day 20 + 21 ~ Time to shake things up!

Oh weekends, how you mess with my mind. 

Saturday (day 20) went relatively smoothly although counting calories went out the window for some reason.  I wasn't making particularly bad choices but I think it had something to do with waking up so early and then just wanting to rest all day.  I did my grocery haul in the morning and spent the rest of the day cooking for everyone and then working.  If you want to see my grocery haul it's here:

 

I picked up a lot of organic foods this time round and did all of my shopping at the supermarket.  The farmers market that I went to didn't have much to offer so it's much less exciting.  The one thing I came away with this experience is that organic food really is that much more expensive and it shows in comparing my two receipts from last week to this weeks.  I spent very similar amounts of money but I got a lot less.  However I did figure if we ate it all and there was no waste, it would be worth it because we are putting less chemicals into our bodies and eating good quality food that makes us (well, at least me) happy.

Today (day 21) was an absolute shambles.  I've accepted that these days will keep coming along but I'm back at home now and I'm all fired up to get back on track.  When being on a relatively strict regime like the one I am on, it's easy to just go nuts and make bad choices.  I stood in Tae's kitchen and cried because I was going crazy with my food and I think for the first time I showed true vulnerability.  I don't think I've ever let anyone see how emotionally out-of-control I am about food and I just broke down.  He told me to relax and just take it easy.  He said that I was a very determined person and one days rest wasn't going to be the be-all and end-all.  He is right, because the scale may not like it tomorrow and I may be very dehydrated now (possibly come up in spots tomorrow too) but it's not going to be the end of the world.  I shall drink more water starting from now, have a good sleep and eat clean for the rest of the week.

Which brings me onto the subject of the 21 Day Challenge.

There has been debate as to how long it takes for a person to develop a habit but having completed 21 days of my own personal regime, I feel like it's been a great amount of time to develop my mind set and change my body.  By embarking on this challenge I am hoping to add to my life and hopefully each challenge will slowly mould me into the person I want to become. 

For the next 21 days I will make a consistent effort to wake up before 8am.  The reasoning behind this is because I have an extremely awful sleeping pattern.  Generally I sleep around 5am in the morning and wake up around 10am-1pm.  This has not only impaired my hair, skin and weight but I am very sluggish and slow, I have very low concentration levels and all I care about it sleeping whilst trying to stay awake.  The worst thing about that lifestyle is not having enough time to do anything.  I used to complain that there was not enough time in the day but I realised it was because I was sleeping during the day... 
So waking up before 8am assures me that I have the entire morning and hopefully it will encourage me to sleep earlier too.  I originally wanted to make the challenge to sleep before 11pm but some days it will be difficult because of work so I think we will focus on waking up early.  This will also help for when I go back for university.

So I weigh in tomorrow.  I'm very nervous because I haven't weighed myself since around Tuesday when I dropped to 12st 1lb.  I know that was a fake weight and it was really great to see because it pushed me to do well on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday but I haven't been extremely strict and today was a disaster.  I will be very pleased if I hit 12st 3 because that will have been 2lbs loss for my third week. 

Wish me luck!

 

Helen

Day 19 - Where did the day go?

I hate sleeping late and I hate waking up late.  That's my biggest problem.

Today has been an okay kind of day.  I haven't over eaten but it's been rather boring because the house is almost empty as tomorrow is grocery day.  I hate being in a house full of foods I don't eat anymore.  So tomorrow I'm waking up early to go to the farmer's market and then the store. I've just finished writing up my list so I don't deviate from the plan and I've also written down prices and it comes just under our £60 weekly budget!  How fabulous.  If the stuff at the farmers market proves to be more expensive I might have to leave early which is a shame because who doesn't want to support their local farmers?  When the budget goes up to £80 a week then maybe we might have a shot.

Today I made a bit more effort to drink my water and I have done next to no exercise.  My body is exhausted from yesterdays exertion and I just needed to rest and get my head right.  I've decided to prepare for my 21 day challenge starting from Monday and it's all quite exciting. 

I also evaluated my skin and it's looking good these days.  I've also been checking out how soft my hair feels... what could it be? 

The last thing I want to mention is that today a bff of mine messaged me to say that he has decided to live a healthier lifestyle too.  I don't know if it was I who inspired him but I'm so pleased he has decided to attempt raw eating and changing his life.  What's shocking is that this guy used to be hooked on pepsi and he dislikes vegetables.  I don't know how well he will do but I'm cheering him on and I will update you on his progress. 
I'm finding that I'm inspiring more and more people to change their lives and this is EXACTLY what I hoped to achieve.  I wanted to better myself in order to promote better living and it's happening already.  It proves that humans are not that resistant to change and those who survive, can.

Helen

Day 18 - I shock myself everyday

I think I'm slowly becoming the person I want to be because everyday I see little changes in me that make me think "wow, that's new" and yesterday was one of those days that I went to bed truly content and proud if I may say so myself.

It was a day out of shopping with the girls yesterday and I offered to drive us to Bluewater (which is about 45 minutes away via motorway) and in order to make the day work I had to pick all three girls up from different locations.  This meant that I had to wake up at 7.30am in order to be on time!  Now one of the things I've most hated myself for was my poor punctuality. I don't know why but it's become a habit that has turned me into this sloppy person who doesn't seem to care when really I care a lot.  It was changing this habit that kicked myself into this new lifestyle of mine and these days I strive to always be on time if not early.  I got to the first stop at 9.25am (early by five minutes!) and I have to say that was pretty impressive to both my friend and I.  The schedule of the day went pretty splendid and so was my eating.

By the time I got to the shopping centre I was starving so we ended up at Costa (not my choice!) and the only thing I could think to eat at the time was their small pots of Yoghurt and granola.  I don't know how good or bad that was but that was fine.  I had my usual smoothie in the morning but waking up that early just means I have to be more smart about my snacking. 
We ended up at Nandos for lunch and again, what a dangerous place to eat!  I chose their Mediterranean salad with chicken but I left most of the feta cheese.  You see what I mean?  I've never been one to leave food on my plate and even if I didn't like it (which wasn't likely) I would eat it so I would not waste.  Somehow I decided that the cheese wasn't my favourite, it was very calorific and that I didn't need two proteins so I left it.  How amazing is that?

By the time I got home I was so hungry it was incredible but the beautiful day was beginning to get dark and I didn't want to blame the sky anymore.  I received an email that gave some crap news so I decided, in all my fury and motivation, to go for a run!  I ate a whole ear of corn and then went for it.

Do you see what I mean?  SHOCKING.

I 'ran' about 1.35miles and I say 'ran' because it was mostly a run/walk.  I ran probably about a third of it which means I ran for about 0.45 miles.  How many calories did I burn?  I'm not sure.  But I did run for about 20 minutes I think so that was enough. 

I came back home exhausted and showered, then made myself a gigantic stir fry. 

What a bloody amazing day.

It's almost 21 days and you know that they say it takes 21 days to form a habit in life (or undo a habit) and I think by the time I get to day 21, something else amazing will happen, I will definitely do a 21 day review.  This has led me to want to do an official 21 day challenge whereby I consistently do something for 21 days in order for it to become a habitual part of my life.  I feel like my life style change has been tremendous and I've targeted some many different things.  The one thing I have not yet done so well on is sleeping and I do feel that that is what is holding me back.  So perhaps next week we will see a 21 day challenge of sleeping before midnight and waking up at 8am. 

I will be back tonight to tell you how wonderful today is :)

Day 17 - Another day in the world of skinny

Tip of the day: When making a smoothie, don't use only frozen fruits because you will get brain freeze.

I went to bed SERIOUSLY late last night and so I woke up at noon.  This meant that today has been such an off day because my schedule was completely turned upside down.  I made the best out of a messy situation and had my smoothie as usual.  For lunch I made the most AMAZING salad!

I was teaching my sister about quinoa and filing salads so this is what we came up with. Quinoa with organic egg, kale, tomatoes and grilled peppers and mushroom and onion.  We seasoned it with a lot of chilli flakes to speed up at metabolism and shredded seaweed.  It was absolutely delicious and this was about 264kcal - I kid you not.  I definitely recommend it!

By the time we finished it was around dinner time so in the end I've kind of under eaten. The trouble with that is that your body ends up storing fat because it's worried about starvation but really I ate next to no fat today.  I had some fish I made for dinner (everyone else has to eat you know!) and then a handful of blueberries.  Then I had the most wonderful chocolate experience. 

 

If you've been wondering what my hot chocolate looks like, this is it.  I drink 100% fair-trade cocoa powder with water and brown sugar.  I use a lot of cocoa powder so it's very rich and aromatic.  I've discovered the best thing that goes with this type of chocolate elixir:

100% dark organic chocolate from Hotel Chocolat!  It's not for everyone and probably can only be stomached by a few in this world and I'm one of them.  It's bitter with an amazing aromatic roasted flavour; it's not too acidic but to most people it just tastes like bitter nothing.  To me, this is heaven.  The most amazing thing is if you take a bite and suck it and then drink my hot chocolate elixir, the chocolate becomes flavoursome, indulgent, rich and luxurious.  Oh god, I'm going to die thinking about it.  I didn't eat a lot of it but it was enough.  I can't believe how low calorie this is and how amazing it is!

Hotel Chocolat have a wonderful Purist range and it's become my new favourite treat!  I am going to seek out their dark chocolate buttons soon :)

I also picked up my bike from my Brothers and it's been pumped up, cleaned and adjusted. I now have to find a helmet but that will come a bit later.  I've found running shoes so it will all come in to place soon.  Tomorrow is another long day out with my girl friends (the ones I drink with) but it's a days worth of shopping.  So I will walk a lot and hopefully make good choices again. I must remember how great it felt to have controlled myself so I don't fall into that trap again. I refuse to ruin it now!

I also sneakily weighed myself this morning and I was 12st 3lbs!!!! OH MY GOD!  Don't take it seriously, it's not even mid week yet but I just couldn't help myself.  YAY!!!!

Day 16 - Eating out is f*cking hard!

You would expect from the title that this is going to be yet another post where I whine and moan about being defeated by the temptations of the outside world and how everything out there makes me fat.  Fear not, for I triumphed today in the chaotic war-zone of a day out!

This morning I had an amazing breakfast, it was a cherry, mango, banana smoothie made with organic skimmed milk.  Probably one of the BEST smoothies I've made so far and it's been 16 days for smoothie drinking.  So we were supposed to go to Harrods for afternoon tea but it was raining hard and fighting that as well as tube strikes did not sound like any idea of a nice birthday afternoon.  So instead we drove to Bluewater, which by then the sun came out shining, and we went to Carluccios.  Anyone who has been there will know how delicious the food is and just how calorific most of it is.  If you can afford the calories then go but otherwise it can be a minefield. 

I'm being serious when I say I was acting completely 'schizo' when I was there.  I had no idea what to do because I was starving and all I could see was PASTA, CREAM, TIRAMISU, BREAD, CHEESE, MORE PASTA, RISOTTO, FRIED CHICKEN etc etc etc and I just wanted to cry.  I looked at the salads, looked at the bread, salads, breads, salads,breads... you'll be pleased to know I settled with a Nicois Salad.  I have to say, it was one of the best Nicois salads I've ever had and I was very full afterwards.  It was so hard for me because I would have definitely ordered dessert after a starter and main course usually and I stuck with one salad, a cappuccino and mint tea.  Then it occurred to me... why would I eat dessert at lunch time anyway?   

Everyone else was extremely over stuffed and my sister had the most amazing looking chocolate bread and butter pudding.  I didn't even taste it because I could not put myself through that torture.  All I could see was cholesterol  and I just thought "I am NOT going to be pleased when I get home" and I knew the consequences.  I also thought back to how hard I worked last night so I didn't want to moose it up by eating one big fat heavy meal.  I was physically shaking when I was deciding and ordering but it turns out, I didn't die.

I also managed to make smart choices at dinner because we were at my brother's and was having steak!  I stuck with half a piece of steak and lots of vegetables (no rice!).  I felt great afterwards and instead of eating cake and dessert with everyone else, I had some delicious ripe figs.  I mean seriously, who am I today?  Superwoman?  Hell yes!

I don't think I would have eaten the steak if I didn't feel obliged to; it was a celebration dinner and I didn't want to kick up a fuss where the whole family turned to me and questioned me why.  Today wasn't about me but my Mum so I ate what I did and I am fine with it.  I'm just so pleased I didn't let any rice pass my lips. 

I didn't do any work outs today nor did I drink much of my water but today's triumphs are enough to send me to bed with a smile (it's 5am... I know, I know).  Tomorrow I'm going to reclaim my bike from my brother's shed and see how much I can ride.  I'm researching into running shoes so when I had the money I can buy them and go running. 

Happy Wednesday everyone, here's to another fricking fantastic day!

Day 15 - Weigh in/Workout/Food Inc/Motivation/Keeping busy

Day 15 of this journey and I am not yet bored of it, this is a good sign people!  I'm almost waiting for boredom to strike and just pack up and give in.  No way in HELL do I want to or have any desires to but I'm wondering whether I've gone mad or I'm actually seeing sense for once in my life.  I hope it's the latter.

Anyway today is my second weigh in... I have to say, the results aren't particularly uplifting...

Weight: 12st 5.6lbs T___T
Waist inches: 35.5inches ,,,o_O
Hip inches: 42.5inches :D
Arm width: 15inches
Thigh width: 24.5inches ^_^
BMI 32.7kg/m2
Exercise: Exercised Once!
Average hrs of sleep p/night:7

 

I maintained my weight which is both disappointing and also a mini triumph.  If you recall I have not eaten particularly well and only really exercised once.  So maintenance isn't such a bad thing but isn't what I'm looking for.  However I have to take into account that I am on my period, which is always, always, always a contributing factor to weight gain.  So perhaps I will see a drop next week.
How I possibly gained 2.5inches on my waist I do not know considering I've lost and inch of my hips!  Now, that, boys and girls, I am very pleased about.  I actually feel slimmer already, perhaps this is all the crap releasing from my body?

These thunder arms remain thundery but my thunder thighs are now half an inch slimmer, yay go me!  I'm a little saddened to not see my BMI go down because that really did make me happy last week.  I'm still working on sleep too... I'm trying! 

Another week begins and I'm searching for new motivation and greater inspiration.  I worked out today which was great, again I followed The Jordan Workout (I'm not ashamed!) and it was great.  I tried to do 'the plank' but I just can't, perhaps I have zero muscle there (which explains why my waist just won't budge!).  So I did some exercise today and I felt good afterwards although I must remember to try and do it during the day and not after dinner.  I think both those things stopped me from working out harder than I could have. 

I've kind of hit this point in life where I feel like I'm really growing up and taking responsibility of my life.  For some reason I no longer feel like a child or even a teenager anymore which is a good thing because I'm actually a young adult.  I ACTUALLY feel like one now.  I have so much life in me all of a sudden and I am absolutely buzzing with excitement about life.  I'm no longer just ambitious about my career but I'm becoming passionate about how I live, what I put in my body, what I stand for and who I really am.  It's becoming quite clear to me that this isn't as simple as a weight loss journey, I'm literally shedding my old self.  It's quite remarkable.

Today I finally watched Food Inc and I was totally reminded why I feel so defensive about the things I eat.  When I watched this I felt cheated by the Government and what we are doing to our bodies.  Here in the UK, food standards are good but I presume similar things happen.  I don't know exactly how it works in the UK but I do know that we have reputable companies that produce quality food as well as the bad, evil produced.  The thing about being the young adult that I am, I'm not yet able to buy the good, honest produce fully (a la Organic eggs) and when we are low in income sometimes 'basic' or 'value' meat is all we can afford.  It doesn't make me a happy person but I understand how difficult it is to eat with a clear conscience these days.  This film reminded me of exactly why I want to work hard because I want to be able to afford the organic, the premium, the best produce there is.  It's sad that the more honest food is the most expensive but if that's the world we live in, that I'm going to make sure that my children grow up understanding exactly where their food comes from.

Anyway in terms of the weight loss, things are going relatively smoothly.  I'm worried because tomorrow is my Mum's birthday celebration day and not only am I'm worried about going into central London (tube strikes, again) but we are taking her to Harrods for afternoon tea.  She's ALWAYS wanted to go and so we are taking her but I can see myself going nuts at the scones, clotted cream and sandwiches.  Perhaps I will do a work out before I go?

Lastly I just want to say that it's been two weeks and I feel good.  I'm 3lbs away from my first mini goal and I will officially be 170lbs.  Once I get to 170lbs I think I will have to find a way to kick it up a notch and perhaps by then I will have the courage to actually go running.  I keep having visions of me running in parks but that seems very far right now.  I'm so self conscious about it and around my area it's horrible to even go out (you've heard those sirens!) so I think if I were to do it I would have to drive to a nice neighbourhood and jog there in the park.  Perhaps if I get confident with the running I will drag one of my best friends to do it with me.

So that's that for day 15!

Helen

Day 14 - Out of control, stress, ache and period pains

Eugh.  What a bloody rubbish day it was.

This morning I went off to see my family and for some reason we ended up at Ikea for breakfast.  I didn't really have a chance!  I ate awfully and as a result I just did not track my calories today.  It's too hard and I hate facing the crap that I do to myself so I just gave up today. 

I came home rather stressed about my money situation and spent the entire evening worrying, planning, worrying more, stressing out and panicking.  I forgot to eat, I forgot to drink and I didn't exercise at all.  Dinner time rolled around and I wasn't even hungry but everyone else was so I made chicken and vegetable soup in the pressure cooker (yay for speed!) and served it with bread.  I realised how hungry I was when I was cooking so by the time the food was ready I scoffed a rather large amount of bread and soup.  Oh dear.  By the time I was washing the dishes my body suddenly screamed at me for fruit because I ate about 10% of my usual vegetable intake and it was NOT happy, so my sister blitzed me a smoothie and I chugged that down. 

Needless to say I'm feeling rather low.  With my financial problems bothering me and horrible period pains ... everything seems to much more worse than they really truly are.  Tomorrow is weigh in day and having looked back at this week, I think i will be lucky to maintain. Whatever happens I know I need to keep going and not give up and I won't.  I still have that determination and will to succeed, I just think I really need to chill out and come back and be focussed.

Tomorrow I promise to work out and start tracking my exercise as well as my food. Here is to a BRILLIANT week 3!

Helen